Inside our second year of the Holiday Almanac, you'll find more silly jokes, quirky facts, yummy recipes and holiday hacks to help you enjoy the holidays. So, grab a frosty beverage, put your feet up, and enjoy a bit of fun brought to you from our team...
How to Decorate Your Christmas Tree While being judged by your dog
Step 1: The Grand Unveiling
Drag the Christmas tree into the lounge. Your dog, originally lounging on the sofa in a state of regal pouting, suddenly finds the energy to relocate, immediately positioning himself in the exact center of the living room, transforming into a small, fluffy roadblock. He sighs dramatically—a sound that somehow conveys both deep disappointment and the weight of centuries of canine suffering.
Step 2: Tree Assembly & The Pouting Begins
Begin connecting branches while your dog stares at you with eyes that say, "I cannot believe you're choosing FAKE PINE over quality time with me." By the fourth branch, he's turned his back to you entirely, which in dog language is equivalent to writing you out of the will. He flops to the floor in despair.
Step 3: The Pink Ornament Disaster Zone
Attempt to hang your first gorgeous pink bauble on a lower branch. Your dog's nose is precisely where your hand needs to be, sniffing with the suspicion of a customs officer. All lower branches are now in the "dog interference zone" and must remain ornament-free unless you enjoy the sound of shattering dreams (and baubles).
Step 4: Upper Branch Glory
Finally reach branches beyond dog jurisdiction. Go wild. Your dog remains unimpressed, having now turned himself into a tiny, furry statue facing the wall.
Step 5: The Star Topper
Climb your ladder to place the magnificent silver star. Your dog finally looks at you. Not at the tree. At you. His expression clearly states: "You climbed that ladder and didn't even let me supervise from your arms? The audacity."
Step 6: The Reconciliation
Step back to admire your pink and silver wonderland, then sit on the floor. Your dog waits exactly three seconds (to maintain dignity) before bouncing over like you've been gone for years. Suddenly all is forgiven. He licks your face, wags his tail, and gazes up with pure adoration. You suspect he was faking the whole emotional breakdown. He absolutely was.
DIY House Painting Over the Kiwi Christmas: A GuideSurvival
Preparation Phase
Start by convincing yourself that painting in 30-degree heat during the holidays is a brilliant idea. Ignore the sensible voice in your head suggesting you hire professionals. Water blast the house with the enthusiasm of a child with a new toy, then realize you've just given yourself a cold shower in the process. Let the house dry for approximately three days or until the next rain shower undoes all your work, whichever comes first.
The Weather Dance
Check MetService obsessively every hour. Develop a sophisticated rain prediction system involving looking at clouds and muttering "she'll be right." Paint frantically for two days, then watch helplessly as the predicted rain arrives precisely when you've finished the north wall. Repeat this cycle until you've developed a personal vendetta against the weather forecaster.
Hydration and Nutrition Strategy
Position a chilly bin within arm's reach filled with enough water and cold ones to stock a small dairy. Take mandatory biscuit breaks every hour—Tim Tams are scientifically proven to improve painting accuracy by 47%. When lunch rolls around and you haven't planned anything, casually wander over to the neighbor's BBQ with your paint-splattered shirt and drop subtle hints about how good their sausages smell. If they're proper Kiwis, they'll invite you over. If not, you've learned valuable information about your neighbors.
The Actual Painting
Apply sunscreen with the same dedication you wish you'd apply the undercoat. Wear your rattiest clothes because somehow paint will end up in places physics can't explain—inside your shoes, behind your ears, possibly in your lunchtime sandwich. Start each day at 7am before the sun turns your ladder into a frying pan. By noon, you'll be convinced you're painting while standing inside a fan-forced oven.
Strategic Break Management
Develop an elaborate system of "just checking my phone" breaks that somehow turn into 20-minute scrolling sessions. Claim you're "letting each section dry properly" when really you're sitting in the shade questioning your life choices. Pop inside for "supplies" but actually stand in front of the open fridge for five minutes like it's a spiritual experience.
The Rain Contingency Plan
Keep one eye on the sky at all times like a nervous farmer. When you spot dark clouds, make increasingly frantic brushstrokes like you're painting the Sistine Chapel on a deadline. When the rain inevitably arrives, stand under the eaves with your cup of tea, staring at your half-painted house like it's personally betrayed you. Use rain days to repaint sections where the rain got to your work before it dried, creating an endless loop of hope and disappointment.
Christmas Day Complications
Attempt to paint between Christmas lunch and pavlova. Realize your family thinks you're avoiding them. They're not entirely wrong. Show up to lunch with paint in your hair and claim it's a fashion statement. Spend Boxing Day recovering from both the painting and the ham-induced food coma.
Final Stretch
By New Year's Eve, you'll be painting in your jandals at 6am, racing against both the weather and your return to work. Develop a personal relationship with your local paint supplier who now knows your order by heart. Stand back to admire your finished house, noticing immediately the one spot you missed that will haunt you forever.
Conclude the project by swearing you'll never do it again, then spend the next summer eyeing off the fence with suspicious optimism.
Cat-proof your Christmas tree
For years, we used string fairy lights on our Christmas tree that looked like the first image:
But, a couple of years ago we got our ginger cats. For some strange reason, they decided that each light bulb was an opportunity for food and started attempting to eat the lights. So, we swapped to rope lights and boom. Problem solved!
These are a great idea for anyone else with cats that have a single brain cell.
Our family follows a rotating Christmas schedule, taking turns travelling to one of four houses to celebrate together for a few days.
The highlight is always our annual water fight, which has become much more fun now that everyone—kids and adults alike—is old enough to laugh instead of cry when they get soaked!
Top tips for driving from Wellington to Auckland this summer
Fill up petrol before you get to Auckland as it gets more expensive as you travel up the country. ..........
Get the 'new bizarre' Pringles flavours from the supermarket, like Prawn Cocktail, Hot Diggity Dog, or Ketchup. These are a great way to try something new and unknown and a conversation topic. ..........
Christmas Day is a time for indulging in too much cheese and chocolate and lolling around with wrapping paper strewn everywhere. We do lots of traditions in the lead-up to Christmas and I love sharing these with my kids. Well-loved and worn Christmas decorations are unpacked and carefully placed on the tree and around the house. Chocolate advent calendars are opened, oranges are studded with cloves, and cousin Secret Santa gifts are exchanged. It smells like pine and spices and UK ancestry and seems at odds with board shorts and water pistols. I always make too much mulled wine for summer, but my dad sensing the hour of need, nobly steps forward to drink some.
My five-year-old, growing wise to the ways of the world, has started asking pointed questions about Santa's logistics...in front of his three-year-old brother. Sssh little one....after all, this is the most magical conspiracy.
Indulgent Sushi for Christmas Lunch
Christmas Day can be hard for separated parents and their kids. In my situation, my two boys always went to their Dads for a sumptuous feast in the evening.
So that the kids weren't overloaded for that, I resisted the urge to do a roast or large lunch.
Instead, we would start the day with a filled bun for breakfast followed by a family activity of making sushi together, and then a walk with our dogs before returning home for lunch.
Our indulgent sushi would consist of extremely generous large pieces of salmon or teriyaki chicken with generous amounts of avocado.
The pleasure came in sharing the activity together with the subsequent indulgent sushi lunch; while still leaving room to enjoy their dinner at their Dads.
Unbelievably entertaining roadtrips
On long car trips we're kept alert and entertained by listening to several episodes of a BBC Podcast/Radio show called "The Unbelievable Truth"
It's a comedy panel game described in the programme's introduction as "built on truth and lies." Hosted by David Mitchell, the show features four comedians delivering short lectures on various subjects. Their goal? To smuggle as many truthful facts past their opponents as possible while competing for the most points.
It's genuinely funny and family-friendly (mostly). Plus, you learn some weird and cool things, like a German duck was once caught doing nearly 40 km/h in a 30 zone and that 'Puke', 'Dead Spaniard' and 'Dying Monkey' were all Elizabethan fabric colours.
You can get "The Unbelievable Truth" on most platforms, or by heading to the BBC website(external link).
My Grandfather was born in Nova Scotia, Canada.
Every Christmas his brothers shipped him a crate of lobsters. He would crack the meat from the shell while watching hockey. Christmas Eve dinner, every year, was seafood chowder + ham and scalloped potatoes. Here’s a yummy looking recipe if you’d like to try it yourself. https://kellyneil.com/cabot-links-seafood-chowder/(external link)
A few unexpected pavlova creations to try this year
Cranberry Orange Pavlova
Ingredients
Meringue: 4 egg whites, 1 cup caster sugar, 1 tsp white vinegar, 1 tsp cornstarch, 1 tsp vanilla extract
Topping: 1½ cups heavy cream, 2 tbsp powdered sugar, 2 cups fresh cranberries, ½ cup sugar, zest and juice of 1 orange, fresh mint leaves
Instructions
Preheat oven to 250°F (120°C). Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar, beating until stiff and glossy (8-10 minutes). Fold in vinegar, cornstarch, and vanilla.
Spoon meringue onto parchment in a large circle, creating a shallow well in the center. Bake 1 hour 15 minutes, then turn off oven and let cool completely inside.
Make cranberry compote: Simmer cranberries, sugar, orange juice and zest until berries pop (8 minutes). Cool completely.
Whip cream with powdered sugar until soft peaks form.
Top pavlova with whipped cream, cranberry compote, and garnish with orange zest and mint.
Chocolate Peppermint Pavlova
Ingredients
Meringue: 4 egg whites, 1 cup caster sugar, 2 tbsp cocoa powder, 1 tsp white vinegar, 1 tsp cornstarch
Topping: 1½ cups heavy cream, 2 tbsp powdered sugar, ½ tsp peppermint extract, 4 oz dark chocolate (melted), 4 candy canes (crushed), fresh raspberries
Instructions
Preheat oven to 250°F (120°C). Sift cocoa powder twice to remove lumps.
Beat egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add sugar, beating until glossy. Gently fold in sifted cocoa, vinegar, and cornstarch.
Shape meringue on lined baking sheet. Bake 1 hour 15 minutes, then cool in oven.
Whip cream with powdered sugar and peppermint extract until soft peaks form.
Drizzle melted chocolate over cooled pavlova. Top with peppermint cream, raspberries, and crushed candy canes.
Gingerbread Spice Pavlova
Ingredients
Meringue: 4 egg whites, 1 cup caster sugar, 1 tsp ground ginger, ½ tsp cinnamon, ¼ tsp nutmeg, 1 tsp white vinegar, 1 tsp cornstarch
Topping: 1½ cups heavy cream, 3 tbsp maple syrup, 2 pears (poached in spiced syrup), crystallized ginger (chopped), gingersnap cookies (crumbled)
Instructions
Preheat oven to 250°F (120°C). Mix spices together.
Beat egg whites to soft peaks. Add sugar gradually until glossy. Fold in spices, vinegar, and cornstarch.
Shape and bake meringue 1 hour 15 minutes. Cool in oven.
Poach pear slices in water with sugar, cinnamon stick, and star anise for 10 minutes. Cool.
Whip cream with maple syrup until soft peaks.
Top pavlova with maple cream, poached pears, crystallized ginger, and gingersnap crumbs.
Pistachio Rose Pavlova
Ingredients
Meringue: 4 egg whites, 1 cup caster sugar, 1 tsp white vinegar, 1 tsp cornstarch, ½ cup pistachios (finely ground)
Topping: 1½ cups heavy cream, 2 tbsp powdered sugar, ½ tsp rosewater, ½ cup pistachios (chopped), pomegranate seeds, dried rose petals, white chocolate (shaved)
Instructions
Preheat oven to 250°F (120°C). Grind pistachios finely in food processor.
Beat egg whites to soft peaks. Add sugar gradually until glossy. Gently fold in ground pistachios, vinegar, and cornstarch.
Shape meringue (it will have a lovely green tint). Bake 1 hour 15 minutes, cool in oven.
Whip cream with powdered sugar and rosewater until soft peaks (be careful with rosewater - a little goes a long way!).
Top pavlova with rosewater cream, scatter chopped pistachios, pomegranate seeds, rose petals, and white chocolate shavings.
Topic: Bread Crusts
Food waste reduction / sanity and money saver
The re-purpose of hard / stale bread for other culinary uses is not new - I am not pretending this is an original idea.
Do you have a fussy eater? Do you hate crusts? Do you find sandwich crusts lurking in supposedly empty school or work lunch-boxes?
There is an easy way to reduce food waste, reduce $$ down the drain and create an 'original' tasty party or snack food.
We started making these a gazillion years ago when my younglings, with their little wee teeth and mouths, had difficulty chewing the hard crusts on bread. As a budget conscious parent I looked for solutions which did not involve using their leftover crusts for parents lunches the next day and stopped us throwing away good food.
These crunchy crust sticks last for ages and can be used as a replacement for potato chips/other snacks, instead of toast with soup and can accompany various dips at gatherings.
How to make:
- left over crusts or bits of bread - cut into roughly finger width and length
- drizzle of oil (I usually use olive oil - can be done without oil)
- seasoning of your choice. I typically use a bit of sprinkle of salt and some garlic or herbs like thyme and rosemary. I did a sweet version with rye bread using brown sugar, cinnamon and mixed spice - used instead of a spoon with ice cream.
- bake on oven tray at around 120d/C for 3-4 hours - time will depend on bread type, amount on tray, moisture content, patience etc. I would not recommend baking any higher than 140d/C.
They are done when you can 'snap' them in half and there is no chewy bit.
Strawberry Santa
At Christmas, we always make these with the kids. The first picture is what they are supposed to look like from the web, second is what ours usually look like - haha!
The stress free way to cook a turkey
(None of this silly basting it every hour)
Set Oven to 165° C
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Make sure turkey is not frozen. This takes planning ahead as they take days to defrost. If you knock on the turkey and it hurts your hand. It’s still frozen.
Take defrosted turkey out of refrigerator.
Make sure to remove any bags of giblets it may have inside or you will have a not so fun surprise.
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Use a large roasting pan with rack. Lay the turkey on rack, breast side up.
Stuff the inside of turkey with a combination of citrus fruit and onions.
Mix a good quantity of herbs with butter. Herbs like sage, rosemary and thyme are my faves for turkey. Use A LOT of butter, then loosen it’s skin. And shove all that herby goodness between the skin and turkey meat everywhere possible. Rub some of the butter on top along with a wee bit of olive oil. Then salt and pepper generously.
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Pour about four cups of water in the bottom of the pan.
Cover the turkey with foil and seal the foil loosely around the edges of the pan.
Plunk in the thermometer under a leg in one of the “less-likely-to-be-cooked" places.
Put the turkey in oven and set your timer for 45 minutes per kg. Make sure turkey goes in early enough in the day. Then, run away with your relaxing beverage of choice.
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Ignore the turkey until it has 30 minutes left to cook. Then, pop off the foil and let the top brown.
Pull the turkey out and let it chill on the bench for at least 30 minutes. Then all the lovely juices you have kept in don’t leak out all over the plate!
At the start of the first Covid lockdown, we started a home cooking theme with this recipe:
- two slices of hot toast (white bread)
- butter
- mayonnaise (2 tbsp)
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Toast bread and spread with butter. Spread one tablespoon of mayonnaise on each slice of hot buttered toast*.
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Serve immediately.
*Gourmands may wish to experiment with hot English mustard as an additional ingredient.
(It doesn't make sense in the heat but I'm into it)
Mulled wine recipe
1 bottle red wine
1 large cinnamon stick
2 star anise
4 cloves
4 tbsp caster sugar/ brown sugar
1 orange sliced
1 lemon's zest (use a vegetable peeler or zester)
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Put these things in the slow cooker for an hour on low.
Et voilà! It's ready to serve and pretend you're at a German Christmas market.
Pairs well with your favourite Christmas jumper.
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The slow cooker will keep it warm too.
I'm from Uruguay and in Uruguay the main celebration it's on Christmas Eve (called: Nochebuena).
Families gather for a big dinner and stay up until midnight where we celebrate with Fireworks, hugging relatives and making toasts. At last, after midnight, we open the presents that Santa Claus ( Papa Noel) left under the Christmas tree.
Typical foods includes:
Asado ( Barbecue) - (above pic)
Lechon ( Roast Pork)
Lots of sweets like: pan dulce (panettone) , Turron ( nougat), ice cream.
Sparkling cider is also a really popular drink for that night.
Some extra info: There's a whole campaign now to not use fireworks anymore so we can be more empathic with pets, autistic people, etc).
Also, now in Uruguay as it's a secular country ( no religion attached) - Christmas day it's also called: Family day.
On the 25th we celebrate during the day, mostly having a really long lunch that last from 11 am to 7 pm.
Yellow pōhutukawa?
New Zealand's official Christmas tree is the mightypōhutukawa(external link), which is native to our land. Its bright and overabundant red flowers shine in the December summer sun. When they drop, they form a red carpet worthy of anybody walking across it.
But did you know that there are also yellow pōhutukawa? They are pretty rare, and thus it can be a bit of a mission to find any. If you are in Te Whanganui-a-Tara Wellington, make sure to visitone of these trees(external link)along Shelly Bay Road while you enjoy a drive around the rugged coast.
Two Family traditions
1. Our family tradition is to buy one new ornament every year, or if we sit somewhere special, we buy something that can be used as a Christmas tree ornament. We try to make the ornament represent something about us or about the year just been. Then we can look at the ornaments on the tree and reminisce about what we did that particular year.
2. We listen to the King's College Choir "The World of Christmas" on Christmas Eve when everyone in the household is going to bed and to sleep. This tradition started in the 1970s when I was a child and our family had the album as a record. Now, we listen to the purchased album on a device. Here it is on SoundCloud:
To keep your Emacs diary or agenda updated with the current phase of the moon—helping you stay in tune with your Maramataka even when the sky isn’t visible—just add the following to your diary file:
%%(diary-lunar-phases)
or type M-x lunar-phases to see a listing.
A weird Sudoku fact
Notice that the 16 cells highlighted in yellow contain the exact same set of digits as the 16 cells highlighted in green (each set contains four 2s, four 7s, three 3s, two 4s, two 5s and one 9).
Now for the weird fact: This pattern holds true for every correct Sudoku solution. For any puzzle, the set of digits in the yellow cells will always be exactly the same as the set of digits in the green cells.
This is an example of Set Equivalence Theory (SET) and this particular arrangement is known as Phistomofel's Ring.
Rudolph’s nose is scientifically possible
Rudolph’s glowing red nose isn’t just a cute story—it's based on a real scientific phenomenon. Reindeer have a unique adaptation in their noses that helps them to heat up cold air before it enters their lungs. The blood vessels in their noses are packed close together, and they have a high concentration of capillaries, which could, in theory, make their noses glow red.
The universe smells like raspberries
Scientists working on the International Space Station have discovered that space itself, or more accurately the gases around certain stars, has a distinct smell.
It’s been described as a sweet, metallic scent, somewhat similar to raspberries or rum.
The first computer bug was a moth
The term "computer bug" comes from an actual bug...
In 1947, Grace Hopper and her team found a moth causing issues in a computer at Harvard University. They taped it to a logbook and noted it as the "first actual case of bug being found."
More jokes just because!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Tinsel-itis! ___
What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells! ___
Why don’t penguins fly?
Because they’re not tall enough to be pilots.
And now, a holiday greeting and joke from the cats.
What do you call Santa when he loses his pants?
Saint Knickerless!
The best ever Christmas cracker joke:
What's green and points north?
A magnetic cucumber.
Dad jokes for surviving a holiday dinner:
I saw my dog walk over sandpaper.
He said: rough rough.
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sunflowers are yellow
I don't have a poem, this is all just garden facts.
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How much does Santa have to pay to park his sleigh?
Nothing. It's on the house!
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When the gingerbread man broke his leg, what did the doctor tell him to do?
Try icing it.
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What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
